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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Losing Custody Of Child Poem, My Lost Love, My Lost Child

A Justice System Unjust?

Judge Markmans supply
Augusta GA - Local attorney Joe Neal arrested for raping 18 year old after giving her alcohol and marijuana. Joe Neal in the News Defense attorney George D. Bush arressted for cocaine and trying to infuence a witness. Fort Worth Family Court Attorney Clifford Lee Bronson arrested for DWI. Vero Beach FL, Judge Catherine Nelson Arrested for DUI. Atlanta GA, Senior U.S. District Judge Jack T. Camp arrested for firearms, buying cocaine and roxycontin and partying with strippers.U.S. District Judge is Bad Boy. College StationTexas – Guadalupe County Judge Michael Wiggins was arrested Monday in Brazos County after he was caught with 20.1 grams of marijuana. This would be so much easier if they'd just legalize pot!,. Knoxville TN - Criminal Court Judge Richard Baumgartner arrested for buying oxycotin from ex inmate. Brookhaven MI Lawrence County Justice Court Judge Bobby Fortenberry arrested on felony drugs charges......2.5 GRAMS of crystal meth. Los Angeles CA - Attorney Kenneth Markman, 47, was arrested for drug charges. Now were talking about a little pot or cocaine here. No no. Mr. Markman got busted smuggling 26 balloons of heroin and meth, needles and marijuana to a gang member being held at the courthouse.REALLY? I dont about you, but that was just stupid.

I didnt past the second Google page to find this information. I was scared to look any more.

Listen - I love to party just like the next partier. I have my days with drugs and alcohol. I am last the last person on earth that cast judgement on peoples extra curricular activities unless your not taking care of your kids or not paying your bills etc. However, Im just a squirrel in this world - trying to get a nut. Im not rich, in a position of power and for the most part, Im invisible. These Judges and Attorneys are the law. If you happen to get arrested or are falsely accused of a crime. These are the people representing you and judging you. For the record - yes, most attorneys and judges remain to be pillars of society. That or they are really good at not getting caught.

If you read my other post, you know im fighting for custody of my two young children. In 2007, my first ex husband made allegations of abuse and coersed my daughter to say I beat her with sticks on video. I proved myself innocent within months but the case took 2.5 years and I got a little over 50% custody. My current ex husband got custody by revealing my addiction to pain killers even though I had been sober for 7 months. He was a narcissistic mental abuser and alcholic. But because he made the original accusation so my allegations were not even looked into.

When the Judge on my first case decided not to be involved, didnt make any judgement calls, met with the attorneys without my knowledge, let the case go on for years, leaving me in a state of irreversible depression - I lost all respect for Judges, the Judicial System and Guardian Ad Litems. Court is where people with money go to get their way because the people who are suppose to uphold the law, are criminals and sociopaths like the plaintiffs.

So now I have face the Judge two more times in attempts to get my children back. The judge doesnt like me and frankly, I dont give a damn. I have no idea what this man does at home, how much he drinks, how he treats his wife, what pills he takes or if he believes in God but he gets to make a judgement about me based on what my abusive husband claimed. In my divorce hearing, this Judge made a snap judgement before I even plead my case. The guardian, the Judge and my idiot ex husband all just made assumptions. You can assume a person does drugs or abuses their children all day long but you better be able to prove it. Look at Casey Anthony - prime example. The woman admitted she knew her child had died or been killed but the proscecutors couldnt prove it - not even with a confession.  A little ironic....dont cha think?

Is this what the world is coming to? Aren't we all entitled to a fair hearing? Shouldnt there be some way to protect ourselves from false allegations?

Let me know your thoughts - more importantly your advice.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Facing My Demons to Love This Angel

Gavin was born in June 2010. I desperately wanted to have him naturally since Darby was delivered by c-section but after 41 weeks and 100 degree south Georgia heat, it was time and there was nothing I could do about it. I loved that little person with an appreciation unexplainable. He was an Angel, my saving Grace and lifesaver.
Flashback 1 year prior.After the custody battle of Darby with Henry - I couldn't seem to pick up the pieces. My back hurt, my chest felt like there was an elephant standing on me. I had spent nearly $40,000 to attorneys, guardian ad lit em, court recorders, custody evaluators and mediation. On the day of court, all of the professionals put me in a room and for 2 solid hours talked me into settling. After 2 years of misery - I thought settling might put an end to it. The schedule we agreed to was so hectic and nearly impossible for me to follow. It seemed I ran more now than when I had Darby full time. What was she doing at school, was her father feeding her correctly,,,,Why is he introducing all of his girlfriends to her? Constant worry and wishing I hadn't settled.
Now I know what I'm about to tell you is horrible, shameful and honestly its hard for me to repeat. I was taking anti-depressant and anti anxiety meds already. One day I went to my Dad and ask him if he had any pain meds for my back. He gave me what he said was a Tylenol 3 but within 30 minutes I knew it was not Tylenol 3. I felt great but I had to wait it off to drive home. Nothing hurt...nothing at all. Daddy came over for a visit one day and give me the rest of his pills - now known as percocet. I didn't think much of it. I had never been addicted to anything. I wasn't real up to speed with what percocet was so I took maybe 1 a day, then 2, the 3 and within 4 months I was taking 10-15 a day. I went to the doctor and got a prescription and when it ran out I got more from Dad or from a friend. I knew I had a problem but didn't know what to do .....plus I was so numb I loved it.
By the time I found out I was pregnant - i was a full blown addict. I was mortified. Now I had this little person inside of me and I had to protect it. I went to a doctor that specializes in a treatment called suboxone. Basically you take 1 to 2 pills a day and taper off from there. When Gavin was born and I looked into his beautiful eyes, I realized I never wanted to be addicted to anything again!
Source: Blogger

Facing the truth

Until it came time for me to stop taking the pills, I had no idea I was so addicted. Once I found out I was pregnant, I attempted to stop cold turkey. After a day of the worst sickness I have ever felt, I looked up withdrawals from opiates on the Internet. I was more than scared when I read "stopping cold turkey may make you miscarry". What was I going to do. I couldn't tell my husband who put me down for everything under the sun. I had been to 6 counselors trying to deal with the depression and they didn't have a solution. I have never been so ashamed in my life.
I stayed on the suboxene program until Gavin was born but because he was delivered by c-section, I had to go back on pain meds. Within 2 months I was back on the suboxene program.
Now because of the constant attacks and lying - I knew I couldn't trust Brett, however, in order to stay off the pills, I broke down and told him the truth. I felt relieved but not for long. From that day on, no matter what mood I was in, Brett would accuse me of being on pills .Instead he called my ex husband and told him, told all our friends and family and I was humiliated. He say things like " your such a drug addict", " go pill out out or whatever you do", " you can't possibly be any sorrier than you already are". Now Brett had always talked to me like this but I was so hoping that he would be proud of me and support me. After All he is a drunk who consumes a fifth of vodka, fifth of whiskey and pint of jagermeister every week. The doctor said his liver was shutting down but he didn't care. Only I was the addict.
Coming off the Suboxene wasnt hard. It took 7 months after the birth of my son. I was proud of myself....Surely Brett would think more of me and love me again. Nope. Not a day went by that he didnt refer to me as a druggie. One night I found him doing unimaginable things with our dog. I know its sounds awful, imagine what it was like to witness it. So, I began sleeping on the couch. After a hugh argument one night, Brett locked me out of the bedroom. He had been so hateful to me because I discovered his skeletons in the closet. I kicked him out for good. You'd think I would be completely done with the mean creep but I had known him all my life and I could not seem to shake missing him. Brett filed for divorce. He had kept every email and text I'd ever written him admitting my guilt and asking for help. He kept every email I had sent for 3 years. He sent them all to Henry and together, they made a plan to take me down.
I moved a girl in that I had worked with for 7 years named Lynette. She had a son age 6. The same day I kicked Brett out, Lynette's husband kicked her out and took her car and wouldn't let her get her clothes. I had access to another car so I let Lynette and her son use my car. Within 3 weeks of her moving in, I was served with emergency custody hearing papers because Henry, yes my first husband, had a private investigator following my van that I wasnt driving for a week.
Turns out Lynette had a little problem with meth amphetamines and was caught at some well know drug houses and doing some questionable behavior. Personally, I think she fell off the deep end because her husband was also working with my first husband Henry and second husband Brett. What a tangled web we weave. Now I have known Lynette for many years. I never pictured her being on meth. We shared a few pills back in the day but she was a good friend to me and it was hard for me to turn my back on her. In the emergency hearing, my children were taken because Lynette was living with me. By the court date - I had kicked her out and changed the locks. The private investigators did not have one bit of evidence of where I was or what I was doing.
Now this whole time - I thought I had to prove I wasn't on pain pills so I was taking weekly drug test while Lynette ran the streets. I provided 8 straight clean drug screens to the guardian ad lit em and my attorney. I continue to talk and text Lynnette but I really didn't see the harm. I am 34 years old. I can make decisions not to do drugs because my friend is doing them. The guardian ad lit em had the authority to make me take drug test but did not do so.
I had to turn in my phone records for discovery for the final divorce and custody hearing with Brett. The guardian counted every single call and text I made to Lynette and put it in his report. He stated that he thought I was on something at my deposition (I had the flu), he reported that he thought I was on something at my fathers funeral and he wasn't there. He reported that I only turned in 3 drug test and did not correct it. Worst of all he never looked into my allegations of abuse or Brett's alcoholism. On court day, the judge made a snap decision that because I refused to quit talking to Lynette, that my abusive, pathological lying husband should have custody.
I have not yet been to court with Henry for that outcome. I have appealed the custody with Brett. I feel like because they have money to fight this thing, that Im the odd gal out. I feel like I will never beat our local judicial system.
I would love some advice from readers. Who do you go to when a decision is made by a judge based on assumption and not facts? What other legal actions can I take with out making me file bankruptcy. I am completely broke and jobless and in desperate need of help!.

Just Let Me Make It Today

Just Let Me Make it Today!

"Just take the bottle of pills Kenna. There is no way you can beat this thing. If you end it, your debts are paid, your battle is over, you wont have this overwhelming feeling of hurt from missing your children, and you wont have to cry anymore. Everyone will move on eventually and deal with it"......But I'll be leaving my kids behind. Lord help me make it through this day.
Im 34 and I use to be the last person on earth who would have ever thought these horrible thoughts of suicide. And let me be clear, Im too chicken to pull the trigger and this is not what my story is about. My story is long and depressing dealing with custody and in this journey of blogging, I pray I will make it another day with the support of people who may relate.
My two children, a daughter age 9 - Darby and a son 21 months - Gavin are currently living with their fathers due to a nasty divorce and custody WAR. I am now in the middle of my 3rd custody battle based on false allegations. Both children have different fathers. I suppose I should give a little background however, this story can not be completed in a day.
My first husband, Henry, was a millionare and he was so in love with me. He chased me for years. By the time I was about 24 years old I thought "you know Kenna....hes a really nice guy and he'll take care of you. Just give the boy a chance". I hated his name; Henry.... HDog, Henny, nothing good about it. He was strange, non social, akward I guess but not the serial killer sort. I didn't really get a chance to figure out if I truly loved him because I got pregnant with my first child. I figured, God must think I should be with this guy. Afterall aren't children gifts from God and I so wanted a baby. I had job, bachelors degree..natural progression of life.
Henry and I married with 6 months of getting pregnant. His family hated me. I was the cute girl from wrong side of the tracks if you catch my drift. Now I wasn't raised poor by no means.....my family just didnt have millions of dollars, owned their own business or inherit a large trust fund. My family and I were honest hard working people. My super hero mom was a secretary and my dad, beautiful dad, was retired military and worked civilian work until he became disabled.
Week 15 of pregnancy, Henry and I had gotten news that the triple screen test had come back positive for spina bifida. Now all you moms that have been put through this....you know where the doctors office calls and gives you sickening news and tells you "well we can get you in in two weeks to do a sonogram". It was the longest 2 weeks and I cried everyday. Turns out my daughter had a small hernia in which her intestines grew on the out side of her body. Its called Gastroschesis and Moms ..... its not the end of the world when you get that diagnosis. I quit my job and went on bed rest and assumed I would be a stay at home mom for the rest of my childs life.
Darby was born in March of 2003, 4 weeks early and other than needing immediate surgery, completely healty. She spent 21 days in the neo natal intensive care. Altough I was happy, I think I was more scared than I'd ever been in my life. Nobody prepares new moms for post partum depression and it hit me like a ton of bricks. This started my use of anti depressants. How could this happen? "Im Kenna Kane - I can do anything, this shouldnt be so hard....what the hell is wrong with you?"
Within 6 months of Darbys birth, Henry left because I had become a complete bitch and because I mentioned that I had dabbled in drugs when I was 20 and 21 years old. Holy poop, he never let me live it down. But as a person that believes in the legalization of pot, our opinions clashed and I dont think I ever loved him. I cared for him and hoped a love would grow but I was only 26 years old and I didn't want to waste his time or mine so I filed for divorce. I got custody of Darby, child support and within a few months was working in real estate again. Henrys mom, Cruella (for the hell of it), kept Darby for me to work. Little did I know, this was biggest mistake I would ever make. She started coaching my daughter to say I hit her with sticks while she played with her dolls. I didnt find out for quite some time. I had remarried, bought my first house and thought everything was fine.
This story is so unbelieveable - I would lose your interest if I blogged it all today. In the end I need guidance and help and will offer information on how to select an attorney if you find yourself in custody crisis. I will share with you the very dissappointing problems with the legal system and hopefully provide comfort because it is a God awful process. Please follow me and let me know your opinions.